Making a new ending

I was recently given a blog challenge to write about the age or period of my life I would most like to relive. I’ve given it a lot of thought: would I go back to high school, when I was young and energetic and had my whole life ahead of me? Would I relive my college years, when the excitement of each new date raised the question, would this be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. Would I make a different career choice? Would I prefer to relive life as a mother of young children – oops, no, I enjoy sleeping at night. I definitely would not wish to relive my children’s teenage years – I enjoy sleeping at night.

It would be tempting to go back to some of the stages of life where, if I had made different decisions, my life might have been happier and freer of recrimination. With my adulthood marked by two failed marriages and perpetual financial difficulties, there are certainly forks in the road where I would have chosen the other path, if I could have known where the one I did choose would lead. As a single mother and a working mother, I could wish for a life that would have allowed me to do more with my children without the stress of trying to make a living and keep them housed, fed, and clothed. As a divorcee, (hate that word) I could wish for the love of a faithful man and companionship in my senior years. I could wish for financial independence that would allow me to travel and enjoy activities not available to one living on a single retirement pension

After mulling it over, I finally came to the conclusion that, while I would like to go back and make decisions with the wisdom that I’ve gained by living through my experiences, that is not possible; moreover, had I made a different decision at any point along the path, I would have encountered a new set of unknowns that I would be dealing with today. Would I really want to trade the problems I have for another set?

While I was musing about this challenge, I happened to read a saying, and I cannot now recall to whom it was attributed, but it went like this: It may not be possible to go back and make a new beginning, but I can start from today and make a new ending.

That’s what I will do with the days I am given. Recriminations are negative energy; my decisions, even the bad ones, were made with the information I had at the time. None of us can see into the future and know what is ahead. So I am using my todays to create a new ending.